A Realization

This is the longest I've gone without throwing up since finding out I was pregnant. Four weeks vomit-free! Damn, it feels good. I think I puked at least four times a week every week (on average) my entire pregnancy. I was hurling so often that my officemate at work urged me to make sure to visit my dentist ASAP after giving birth. Vomit erodes tooth enamel you know. She cautioned me that he might suspect an eating disorder but that I really should suck it up and go. Hello? Yeah - I really look like I have an eating disorder - that's a good one. Honey, I wasn't so svelte pre-pregnancy, but now? Let's just say I don't really have to worry about being mistaken for Nicole Richie.

All that puking taught me some valuable lessons.

• Never take the easy way out and throw up in the bathroom sink instead of the toilet. I know it's tempting to just run right in, turn to the side, and let loose into the sink. No fuss, no muss. No splashing. No bending over. It seems like the perfect choice. But no. Unless you want to be up at 1 AM unclogging the drain while your husband pretends to be asleep, just walk a few more steps and do your thing into the toilet.
  

• I don't really chew my pasta very well.

• If there is inadequate time between drinking and puking, the carbonation from Coke really hurts coming up.

• I will never eat chicken pot pie again.

• If you weigh close to 200 pounds, do not kneel in front of the toilet to puke. Just bend over as far as you can and hope you don't splash too much. Otherwise, you may have difficult getting up and/or you may injure something in your butt that makes it so you can barely walk and you will have to hobble around like a 90 year old for a good two months or so. You will even have to ride the damn motorized scooter in the grocery store and you will feel like a complete moron. Just saying.
  

• Vomiting an entire movie theater sized box of Junior Mints is not entirely unpleasant.