Saturday, July 5, 2008

Got Ants?

Ants love breast milk.

This is something they don't tell you in the books. Lactation consultants will not prepare you for the moment you pick up a discarded spit-up rag to find the underside teaming with the little buggers. You will freak out. If you have not slept for 6 months, you might just have a complete mental breakdown. On the floor. With tears and snot and trembling and Lo! the unholy usage of the Lord's name.

I'm just saying.

Anyway - I've had two years to recover from THAT scenario. However, just when you thought it was safe to go into the water . . . Ants II - The Second Coming.

I was zoning out while pumping at work when I looked down and saw something bobbing in the breast milk. Not a good sign. So, I kept pumping and watched in horror as this black thing rose higher and higher in the bottle. Finally, I sort of tilted the bottle mid-pump and got a good, full, side-view on the thing. A creepy crawly carpenter ant. FREAKY.

The best part is that I got back to my office and had to tell someone. I mean, wouldn't you? Who could keep that bottled up inside them? So, I told this woman at work who is probably 10 years younger than I am and sort of innocent and naive but in a fun way. Like Betty White in the Golden Girls. And I'm totally grossing her out and she's making these completely horrified faces. Then, before I can start questioning how the ant got in there . . . was it in my bag all along? Was it hiding out in the bottle waiting? Or was it lurking in the Mothers' Room, waiting for some unsuspecting sleep-deprived victim? Before I can get to any of that, she blurts out, "How did the ant come out of your boob? And how could you not have FELT it when it did?!?"

9 comments:

Kathleen said...

Good GOD!

Stay out of my house you ant lactating woman!

Jules said...

That is frickin funny.

My Wombinations said...

That is the funniest thing I have heard in a long time. I hope my milk stays ant-free, although I doubt it will. We are currently dealing with a fly infestation, can ants be far behind?

Andre's Mummy said...

Hi, i just googled "breastmilk attracting ants" and found your site. Just had the same horrendous experience. Left the cap of the storage bottle in the sink, returning an hour later to wash to find it infiltrated with a colony of ants. I almost gag at the sight. Now i know i'm not alone. Can i quote your blog in my site?

Lou said...

Andre's Mummy, oh my god, that's hilarious - and disgusting!
I don't blog much anymore, but feel free to quote me.
I can't believe more people haven't experienced this atrocity . . . or
maybe they're just too busy gagging to talk about it.

Anonymous said...

I can't believe there isn't more online about this, either... I am breastfeeding my second child and the ants have been lurking around the kitchen sink where I rinse the pump parts just waiting for a drop! Luckily, I haven't experienced the ant in the pumped milk scenario, or, yes, I would be gagging too much to type this...however I did recover from a cockroach crawling over my shoulder as I breastfed my first child on the couch one night...major case of the hibee-jibees after that one. It is so hard to keep the milk cleaned up... with the constant leaking out of both me and out of my baby! Good to know that I am not alone!!

Anonymous said...

Lol wow. I needed that comic relief! Ty Just found a colony made home inside my bra i left on the floor! Literally aaaaall up in it. I almost passed out I sware. I wish somone would have warned me...! Found them random places through out the room, i want to cry!

Arlo said...

Awesome! Love this. I've been finding ants on my bed, on me and on my baby's chin. Ugh. I washed all the sheet and blankets last night and still they lurk. I guess it's better than flies and fleas, but I'm feeling all creepy crawly.

meredith said...

I too have a just discovered that it is my breast milk that is attracting them. They're in my bed!only a few here and there but I'm picking them off me and my baby's head!! I'm just afraid ones going to like crawl into her ear or something.what should we do? I can't help that my breast milk is attracting them and I leak on to the bed every night at least a little.should we spray for ants??